Most of us have experienced the bar scene at some point in our adult lives. If you have not, then you aren’t missing out on much. Yeah, it is a party atmosphere and there are a lot of women around who are in a party mood, but there is also an underlying social hierarchy that is very apparent as soon as you walk in the front door. This can work in your favor if you have movie star looks, a great personality and you can charm just about everyone you talk to. But for the average guy… well, not so much.
Here is why:
Image Profiling – The first thing you are going to notice is that there is rampant image profiling as soon as you walk in the front door. In some cases, you are going to notice this even before you get inside – observe who the bouncer is letting in and who they hold back. If you have ever been waiting in line outside a very popular club, you know what I mean. The pretty people of the world get a free pass here.
Once in the club, like some unwritten rule, you are going to know who you can approach and who you can’t. They know it and you know it. You should already be aware of your “place.” If you aren’t, then you could be in for a world of hurt until you do. Try approaching someone who is clearly out of your league and you are going to find out in no time exactly where you stand.
Is it unfair to judge based on little more than your looks? Of course, but that doesn’t matter because in most of these places, it is going to be your looks and how you carry yourself that is going to give people the first impression. First impressions are made within seconds and are rarely changed. If you are trying to pick up someone who is out of your league, you are unlikely to get a chance to dazzle them with your personality because there is simply no time.
Competition – Now, things would not be so bad for a single, average guy if there was a 50-50 ratio of men versus women. Sadly, that is not the case in most bars. You are almost always going to have a larger percentage of men. Coincidentally, that is one thing that the bouncer is trying to do outside. He has likely been told to try and even up the male/female ratio. That means there are going to be more men waiting to get in and that means that you may never make it in if he decides that you are not “compatible.” If you are short, fat and bald, could the bouncer be infringing on your first amendment rights? Maybe, but you are going to have a hard time proving anything. If you knew you were refused entry because of your race, then that would be a different thing altogether.
So now you are standing outside in competition with all the other guys in line. If you do mange to get in, you are going to notice that there are still more guys than women. And a lot of them are better looking and personable than you are (sorry, but true). The music is loud, so you really only have your looks, your smile and your body language to start the ball rolling. Even if you could seduce her with your personality, you are not likely to get the chance. Screaming into her ear is not a good alternative unless she is already attracted to you.
In the end, it is really all down to looks.
Bar Chicks – Unless you yourself are a bar type, you are unlikely to meet someone with whom you are compatible. A lot of these people are there every week. Is this the kind of woman you want to meet anyway? Forget that most may be out of your league, you have to think about the whole package. Would it not be better to meet a real person instead of someone who may get bored and simply go back to their old ways?
Keep in mind that, for a lot of these people, hitting the bars on the weekend is what they do. Most women go out with their other single friends, so where is that going to leave you if you suddenly become the boyfriend? Is it even worth putting yourself through all that anxiety? You have to think about these things before you invest any time and effort. Yeah, she may look great and may even be a little out of your league, but are you going to be able to deal with everything that comes with it?
Oh, almost forgot: Because she is out of your league, she is always going to hold the power in the relationship – this is a given. She knows, and you know, that you are getting the better end of the deal and that if she decides, she can do better. Again, sorry, but it is true.
Give yourself more credit than that. Looks are not everything and you have a right to be happy. Don’t sell yourself out just because she looks good.
So, what is the alternative? Well, you simply cut out the bar scene and you concentrate on meeting women in real life instead. This is going to accomplish two things: You are going to be able to show them your personality and you are going to likely meet someone who is more stable.
Start talking to women in everyday situations during the day. Practice the art of small talk and make it a point to talk to everyone you can – male and female. Not only is this going to give you more practice, but it is going to mean that you’ll likely meet someone more real and down to earth.
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