Do you struggle when it comes to meeting people of the opposite sex? Do you fail at making that all important personal connection? Do you feel as though you are treated poorly before you even have a chance to show them the real you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then there is a good chance that your problems are not limited to the dating world. In fact, dating, relationships, and the way you interact with people of the opposite sex, may just be a symptom of a bigger problem.
Take a second and really think about how you are received by others in general. Are you able to make a connection with people you’ve never met? Are you greeted with a warm smile and kindness, or tentative apprehension? Do you find that others in the same room receive a warmer response than you do? Well, in fact, as much as you’d like to dismiss it as nothing, you are probably right – you are in fact being treated differently than other people. But why?
In order to answer this question, you need to look inside yourself and really understand how you are coming off to others and why your likeability factor is so low. After all, you are a decent person once folks get to know you.
And that is really what it all comes down to. You must realize that there is no way anyone can know your real personality within a few minutes. The only thing they have to go on is what they see, here and now. Approach someone with a scowl on your face because you’ve had a rough day, and they will respond in kind. In fact, you may even be surprised that they aren’t warming up to you. Though it may feel as though you are being unfairly treated, the real reason lies within you.
Look at it this way: If you don’t know someone, why would they automatically treat you like dirt? That just doesn’t make sense. The sooner you realize that they are reacting to first impressions, the better off you’re going to be.
Now, knowing that you are turning people off and figuring exactly how you are doing it, are two different things. This is going to take quite a bit of self-awareness on your part – perhaps something you’ve never done before. Furthermore, it is going to require that you make an effort.
There may be many reasons that you are unable to greet people with a friendly smile and likeable personality. Perhaps you are extremely shy and your anxiety is showing through as indifference or hostility. Maybe that same anxiety is causing other people to start thinking about their own insecurities. Or maybe you simply don’t warm up to strangers right away. We all can’t be happy-go-lucky.
But the important thing to remember is that people can pick up on negative vibes. In most cases it doesn’t take much for them to decide that you are not someone they feel comfortable talking to.
And when it comes to meeting and dating people of the opposite sex, well, your anxiety could be showing through in ways that you can’t imagine.
Have you ever been extremely nervous talking to a potential date and have them make an excuse to leave? If so, you can be guaranteed that your failure to smile (naturally anyway) or to relax, has sent the wrong message to them. The problem is, you only have one chance at making a good impression.
Is there anything you can do?
Well, one of the first things you are going to want to ask yourself is whether you really can change – some people can’t/won’t. But if you really want to get to the bottom of this and change your life for the better, there are two things you can do right now.
The first is to admit that you have a problem in the way that you present yourself. If you are unable to admit that you have a social problem, then you are unlikely to take the steps required to fix it. No one has to know about this but you, but it is important that you forget about your ego for a second and admit your shortcomings.
The second thing you must do is make a conscious effort to greet others with enthusiasm and be genuine. Appear upbeat and keep smiling. Don’t bring others down with your negativity. In order to do this, you will have to be double checking your actions constantly. Concentrate on how you are appear to others at the moment of introduction and during any subsequent conversation. Catch yourself before you revert back to your old self. Remember: it is not so much what you say, but how you say it that counts. While this will require some work, it is something that will improve in time. Practice makes perfect, and before you know it, it will be like second nature.
Lastly, start out low-key and avoid high-stress dating situations until you have had a chance to experiment a little. Try different tactics around others and gauge the reaction you get. Start slow and ease into it because it may feel a little strange at first. Keep in mind that you are not trying to change who you are, you are simply allowing others to see that great personality you have.
Not sure where to start? Read this: