The single life can be stressful. Many expectations are put upon a single person when it comes to meeting people of the opposite sex. First impressions and social skills are essential. But what if you’re not outgoing? What if your social skills are lacking? Does this mean that you’re less worthy of happiness? Should you let life pass you by while others are having the time of their lives? No – it doesn’t have to be that way. There are alternatives for the shy person.
Some people seem to have everything going for them. Comfortable in any social situation, they carry with them an air of confidence. Outgoing and likeable, they just click with others and seem to naturally attract the opposite sex. They make it look easy.
The majority of us, however, have varying skills when it comes to the opposite sex and social confidence. The reality is that very few of us feel totally at ease when it comes to dating and meeting people. Unfortunately, society praises assertiveness and confidence as very positive traits and the shy person is left to feel inadequate in many ways.
So the question is – how does a shy person function in the dating game? Can you succeed in an area where having finely tuned social skills is almost essential? The following 10 tips are custom made to ensure your success as a shy person in the dating world.
1. Know yourself. Be honest and realistic about your abilities. Take a good look at your social skills, physical appearance, financial status, social status and confidence level. Don’t be ashamed. As bad as it may be, there are ways to improve things.
2. Don’t get in over your head. In other words, make sure you are able to handle the situation. For example, if you are shy, average looking and have zero confidence, would it make sense to approach the best looking woman in a bar and attempt to get her phone number? Not unless you thrive on public humiliation. There is almost a zero chance of success here because you are not prepared. As brutal as this may sound, society does group people according to looks, personality, confidence, and financial status. Pretending that you’re someone you’re not, will always lead to disaster. The good news is that there is always room for self-improvement. Start slowly. Ease yourself into the dating game. Have realistic expectations as to the person you are most likely compatible with. You can’t fake your personality – people will always see through you. Change must be genuine and come from within.
3. Self-improvement. Work on your weaknesses and boost your self-confidence. Start slow and see what kind of results you get. There is always room for improvement. If you were honest with your self-assessment, then you will know what needs attention. Lose weight, get contacts, change your wardrobe, and practice your social skills. Whatever it takes – but don’t get hung up on things you can’t change – we all can’t be perfect 10’s.
4. Learn to accept rejection. Don’t take it personally. It takes a great deal of character to be shot down and move on. Shy people tend to take rejection hard. It’s a blow to an already frail ego and, let’s face it, something that everyone tries to avoid. Fortunately, rejection becomes less traumatic as you become more experienced. As you become more “thick skinned,” you will suddenly realize that there are many reasons for being turned down – and many of them have nothing to do with you personally.
5. Date on your terms. Avoid being trapped in high stress situations until you feel more comfortable. The traditional dinner and movie can be very stressful for the shy person. This high-stress, high-expectation scenario relies heavily upon the social and conversational skills of both people. For a naturally quiet person, simply thinking of topics for conversation can be worrisome. Try suggesting a daytime date. Build the date around an activity and you won’t be so caught up in the usual pressures that an evening date can demand.
6. Date as many people as possible. You need to use the law of numbers here. Concentrate on your successes and not your failures. Things never go 100% in your favour. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can get on with your life and meeting Mr. or Mrs. right. Each date will be completely different and you simply can’t paint each person with the same brush.
7. Consider meeting people in non-traditional ways. Clubs are not the only choice here. In fact, many single people don’t frequent bars at all. As a shy person, you should probably avoid this high-pressure venue. It takes a very outgoing personality to operate successfully here. Take a class, do some volunteer work, take up a sport or hobby, join a community organization, or a special-interest group. There is little pressure here and you can actually meet people on a more down-to-earth level.
8. Improve your odds by placing yourself in a situation where the numbers are in your favour. Don’t follow the crowd – be original. Clubs tend to be very competitive and your chance of success is poor. Alternatively, you will have much better odds placing yourself in a situation where the male/female ratio is more even or even slightly in your favour.
9. Have a variety of interests. This makes for a well-rounded, interesting person. Read books on a variety of topics. Learn some new sport or activity. Be an expert at something. This will allow you to talk about a subject or to engage in an activity with confidence. You may even gain the admiration of others. A warning here: there is a very fine line between proficiency and simply showing off. One gives you the admiration of others and the other resentment.
10. Once you have reached your goals, be humble. Aggressive and obnoxious is much less desirable than shy and quiet. A quiet confidence is what will do it for you every time.