“I want to save my marriage, but everything I try seems to make the situation worse!”
Does this sound familiar? Don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone. Not many of us really know what to say or do when it comes to saving a marriage. Whether it’s listening to well intended (but wrong) advice from our friends and family, or simply allowing our emotions to take control, thousands of people have made the same mistakes that just end up pushing our partners away. Fortunately, you can usually turn things around quickly if you have an idea of where you’re going wrong.
Don’t pressure your spouse
You can’t force an outcome. Attempting to influence your partner by using guilt or threats will only make things worse – As will begging, pleading, crying, or any other desperate attempts at getting them to change their mind. In the end, it just amounts to emotional blackmail.
Another thing you’ll want to avoid is pressuring your spouse into trying marriage counselling. For counselling to work, both partners have to be willing participants.
There’s nothing wrong with apologizing – once. If you have done something wrong and you’re truly sorry, an apology can clear the air and allow a couple to continue trying to work things out. The problem is when you start apologizing for every little thing – even when it’s not your fault. First of all, it looks insincere; secondly, it can make you look very desperate – and that’s not an attractive quality.
Accept your share of the problems and apologize when necessary, but leave it at that. Otherwise, you are likely to lose your credibility. Once that happens, they’ll take everything you say with a grain of salt. Imagine telling your spouse, “Honey, I want to save my marriage” and just getting it thrown right back in your face. Over apologizing makes you look insincere and your spouse will be less likely to believe anything you say.
Don’t jump to conclusions
Although you may have been with your spouse for years and you think you know them better than they know themselves, you can’t assume anything. Don’t pretend to know exactly what they’re feeling. For all you know, your partner has been repressing certain feelings about your relationship for all these years and it’s just coming out now.
Lies definitely don’t build emotional intimacy. Whether you are lying about certain things in the past, financial troubles, or your real feelings, eventually it will come out. Once it does, you will have succeeded in driving a bigger wedge between you and your spouse. Honesty is essential for any healthy marriage to flourish.
Don’t ignore the situation
Marital troubles don’t fix themselves. Yes, they might be hard to face and, let’s be truthful, who really likes confrontation and arguing? However, if you simply ignore these problems and bury your head in the sand, they will come back to bite you. In the meantime, you and your partner will be growing further apart as the resentment deepens. If you think your marriage is headed for divorce, you need to take action now!
Are you serious when you say, “I want to save my marriage?” Then you need to get to work right away – it’s not going to save itself.
But how? What steps should you take? Well, why not check out this “Save my Marriage” course. It works, even if you’re the only one trying.