When it comes to dating, there aren’t many guys out there that can approach, and talk to, women feeling in control and completely confident. In fact, the majority probably second guess themselves to some extent. Even going so far as to experience defeat in their own minds long before they have had a chance to say more than a few words. Don’t we all envy guys that are able talk to, charm, and date beautiful women?
But what are the rest of us missing? Is it something that we can learn?
Let’s rewind for a second and really think about this. When it comes down to it, the only thing you don’t have complete control over is your looks. That’s okay though – because, contrary to popular belief, looks are only a part of the package – and not a very important part at that. Looks will only get you so far. Sure, if you’re naturally good looking, it may make it easier to attract women, but what then? What if that is all you have going for you and your personality isn’t able to cash the check your looks wrote, so to speak?
The truth is that there are many average guys out there that enjoy a good level of success with women who are not considered good looking by traditional standards. But their personalities more than make up for it. If the guy with the rugged good looks can’t get past “hello,” then it’s really not going to buy him much.
One thing you will notice about guys that can naturally attract women with an above average personality is that they exude confidence. They speak and carry themselves differently than most. They are at ease with who they are – to the point that they aren’t second guessing every move they make. There is a magnetism about them that is apparent the minute they start a conversation – whether in the dating world or in everyday life. People just seem to be attracted to them.
Their Secret? They know how to talk to women.
You may argue that this isn’t you, but the reality is that anyone can learn these traits. You can change your personality. Yes, I know, if you’re struggling trying to meet women at the moment, this can seem impossible, but believe me, confidence can be learned.
Remember what you have riding on this. We are talking about your future happiness here. As long as you’re insecure, you will continue to struggle in the dating world. And if you think that women can’t pick up on your neediness and lack of confidence – guess again.
Let me say it again: Unlike looks, personality traits can be learned. You simply have to make up your mind to change. You need to tell yourself that this isn’t you, you’re not happy, and you’re going to do whatever it takes to change. Acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step.
How to Gain Confidence
Honestly, it’s never too late to change. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your track record is with women – In fact, it doesn’t even matter if you’ve never been confident in your life – you can learn this.
The easiest, and most effective way to get started is to get more social experience. More often than not, if a guy is struggling with confidence in the dating world, it is also affecting the rest of his life. If you are a shy and quiet person, you’d be amazed at the improvement you can make in your life by simply making it a point to get more social experience. Try to talk as much as possible during the day – male or female – it doesn’t matter. If you are the cautious type and you always have to analyze the situation before you speak, throw caution to the wind and make it a habit to converse with everyone possible. What’s the worst that can happen? Even if it is a casual comment about the weather – anything is better than nothing, and it all adds up.
As time goes on, you’ll notice that it becomes easier to talk to others. Practice makes perfect, and soon you’ll start gaining confidence in your ability to carry on a conversation with anyone; even women that you have a romantic interest in.
Start by conversing with friends and family members (more than you normally do). Next, step out a little and talk to people you don’t know very well (a party is great for this). Next, try striking up a conversation with strangers (male or female) at the bus stop or supermarket checkout line.
In order to bridge the gap between talking to strangers and being able to talk to women, try practicing on female sales clerks. Yes, I know that it is their job to talk to you, but it will give you experience talking to a beautiful woman in a relatively safe environment. Don’t hit on her, just strike up a normal, everyday conversation. You should do well here with all the previous experience you’ve had, plus the fact that she is unlikely to snub you.
In no time, you should be able to ease out of your comfort zone and try out your new skills on women you are interested in romantically. In fact, by this time, you might even find it relatively easy to talk to women that you always considered out of your league.
By the way, here is an excellent book on the art of conversation.