If you are having a hard time keeping men, there could be something that is sabotaging your efforts. Whether you want to call it a personality flaw or just a personality quirk, you should know that it may be affecting your ability to get and keep the men in your life. This flaw is not the end of the world, however, and because it is small, there is something that you can do about it right now to ensure that you are doing everything in your power to keep him.
The “defect” has it’s roots in insecurity and it is probably the number one reason that men head for the hills when it rears its ugly head.
It actually manifests itself in many ways, but it all comes down to how secure you feel about yourself and the relationship. He may see it as jealousy, possessiveness, neediness, or dominance. You, on the other hand, may see it as a sign that you really love him. After all, demonstrating a little jealousy shows that you care about him, right?
Well, yes, but like everything, you have to make sure to control things and don’t let them get out of hand. If you are jealous to the point where you won’t allow him to do the things he wants to do, then you are not going to have him for long.
Mistakes you could be making
This is especially important when you start dating. Are you reluctant to introduce him to your girlfriends because you feel threatened? Are you constantly phoning him just to say hi, but you are secretly wondering where he is and what he is up to? Are you jealous of his female friends? Do you take it personally when he can’t meet you and assume that there is something else going on? If so, you may have a problem with jealously.
Jealousy will kill a relationship – dead.
But there are other things that are going to drive him away also. Yes, jealousy is one reason for him to leave, but there are a few more to consider.
It isn’t just jealousy
Are you emotional equals when it comes to the relationship? In other words, do you find that you are always reacting to what he says and does? Does he hold the upper hand emotionally? Do you feel that he could leave any minute or that things are barely hanging in there? Well, if you are in that state of mind, you are going to come off as being too passive/needy/insecure. You are always going to be available, always going to agree with what he decides and you are always going to be by the phone when he calls. In other words, you are not going to be any challenge at all and, therefore, your value diminishes.
I know it is hard to talk about a person’s worth like that, but that is the way it is in relationships. If it’s any consolation, it also happens the other way around, where you have the guy acting desperate and needy. There is only so much the other person can take.
Bottom line: That is the opposite of what you want to happen!
You want to be in the driver’s seat in this relationship and it is not happening. You are on the defensive and that is not a good place to be. But how to fix it?
What you can do right now
One thing that you can do right now is stop paying so much attention to him. I am not talking about playing mind games with him, but more in terms of changing your demeanor. You have to get some of that psychological power back and at least make things equal. It is not that he is a bad person, but if you give anyone that kind of power, they are going to abuse it. It is simple human nature.
Don’t make any drastic changes in your attitude towards him, you are going to have to do this very gradually or things are not going to look right. You have to make this look 100% natural, and that can be hard to do if you have a history of doing the opposite.
If you have just started seeing someone, you are in a better position and you can start out on the right foot. Make sure that he knows you are interested, but also that you have your own life. If you throw yourself at him this early, he is going to run scared. For example, it may be a good idea not to phone him or text him more than he texts you. This is going to be a red flag for him. Play it cool and always ask yourself if your actions may seem a little desperate or needy.
Another thing to consider is whether or not your man is in high demand. For example, if he is ruggedly handsome, financially well off, and has an amazing personality, then you are going to have a rougher go of it if you are insecure. You know, and he knows, that he does not have to settle. If there is something he doesn’t like, he has options and is in demand. Not that you should aim lower, but this is one thing that you have to consider.
If you are confident and remain in control of your emotions, you are going to do okay. Though it is no guarantee that he won’t leave, at least you are doing everything in your power to keep him.
There is nothing wrong with complimenting him once in a while, just make sure that you are getting the same in return or take a step back. Take it slow, have a laugh, don’t take things too seriously, make him see how fun you can be. This is the time to show how charming you can really be. You want to show him why he should be with you and no one else. In short, you have to make him want you – and that can never be forced.
Okay, so now you know one of the most powerful methods to get and keep your guy. And it’s not really that hard to do. Make it a point to change now, not later, but right now and you may see the results of your efforts sooner than you think.
Is this going to change your life? Maybe – but if you really want to have the best chance to get and keep him, you may need to go a bit further. Watch This Video from Amy North that shows you how to make any man obsess over you.