Getting past rejection can be tough – especially in the dating world. Unfortunately, as with most things in life, hearing the word “No” is inevitable. No one succeeds every single time. For every Yes you get, you might need to hear a dozen No’s. Experienced singles will tell you, however, that it’s something you need to come to terms with – and the sooner, the better.
Though rejection is a part of life, it seems to have a more profound affect in the dating world. Of all the things that can go wrong, the thought of a prospective date turning you down has got to be one of the toughest pills to swallow. It’s the absolute worst thing that can happen. And, really, how can you not take it personally?
Well, as any experienced dater will tell you, it’s not so much that you were rejected; it’s how you handled the situation that really matters. It’s how you interpreted and processed the reality that someone did not find you appealing enough to pursue – Ouch.
Being personally rejected makes us feel bad about ourselves. But is all rejection personal? Of course there are those superficial individuals that base their opinions on nothing but looks, but more than likely, the reason you were rejected has nothing to do with any of that. It is more likely that the person did not want commitment, was scared of intimacy, had self-esteem issues, or simply did not feel a connection. Hey, you might have reminded them of someone from the past that they’d rather not deal with – who knows? None of this has anything to do with you personally; even the lack of chemistry.
The most important thing is how we handle being rejected – how we interpret the situation and our own self-worth. Since we can’t control who accepts us and who rejects us, the only thing left is to change our interpretation of rejection. Quite often, this can also involve taking a good, hard look at our own self-esteem and self-beliefs.
If you are rejected, one of the first things you need to do is not take it personally. It’s human nature to assume that we are, in some way, defective, if we are snubbed by a potential date. We are too quick to look for faults in ourselves rather than open our minds to the possibility that it was more likely to do with the other person or their situation, than us.
The truth is that you cannot change who you are. You can’t conform to someone’s idea of the perfect date – You are who you are and that’s not going to change. Sure, you might find that you’re incompatible with some people, but it’s almost a certainty that you will eventually click with someone – and in a major way. Your ideal mate is out there somewhere – you just haven’t found them yet.
Until that time, learn from your mistakes, accept the fact that you won’t be accepted by everyone, and move on to bigger and better things.
Move beyond feeling insecure, even if you’re rejected. The Tao of Badass.