Okay, you asked her out and she said yes – congratulations! However, the hard part is still to come: The actual date. There are so many ways to blow it on a date, and a lot of guys do it so effortlessly. The good news is that you don’t have to fall victim to this kind of thing if you think ahead a little and have some self-control. Most guys don’t head out intending to be creepy, sometimes it just happens as the date progresses. Usually, it is the result of nervousness, but there are other factors involved too. The end result is usually a polite goodnight and you never hear from her again. In fact, the next day, you may even notice that she has cut all ties to you (i.e. blocked you from Facebook and the like). Actually, things could be looking pretty bleak after your 10th unanswered text message…
Is there anything more humiliating than that? Well, no, not really. In fact, this is the worst outcome you could imagine. And if it is someone you know in your social circle, they may even gossip a little about the date from hell. That is something you may never live down.
However, nothing says that you have to come off this way. You don’t have to be regarded as a creeper because you are not that guy. And to be sure you don’t fall victim, here are 15 things you can do to not seem creepy on a first date:
1. Control your nerves. The number one thing you want to do is control your nerves. If you allow yourself to become excessively nervous, you are going to seem a little odd to her. Maybe your voice is going to start to shake or crack. Perhaps you are going to start blushing for no reason. Maybe your movements are going to start looking mechanical and you are going to start knocking things over. All this can come off as very unusual behavior. Imagine what she is going to think of you when you are asking her questions about herself, but you’re breathing deeply (out of breath) because of nerves. Maybe she’ll think that you’re getting turned on (weirdo?) and having a hard time controlling yourself. Who knows? But that is not the kind of behavior you want to be displaying.
The other problem with being nervous is that you are going to say things without thinking. When you are sitting there and it is your turn to speak, you may blurt something out that makes you look a little odd/creepy simply because your nerves made you draw a blank. Surely it is better to say something rather than have that awkward silence? Well, no, it really isn’t. Awkward silence is normal, telling her that you collect Star Wars figures is not.
If you can get a handle on your nerves, you are going to have this thing beat. Well, almost. Though there is still a chance that you are going to make some of the other common mistakes.
2. No morbid subjects. Though it should be obvious, you are going to want to avoid talking about morbid subjects. An example of this could be giving her a play by play account of the slash/bash movie you saw last week. Think about what you are doing. Here is a single woman out on her own with a guy she barely knows and he starts talking about serial killers. Seriously?
3. Watch your mood. Make sure that you are not coming off as overly happy or overly serious. You have to be right in the middle. If you appear too happy, she is going to think something is up. At the very least, you are going to look like you are trying to hide your real personality. What you should be aiming for is a notch below that. You want to come off as confident, upbeat, at ease, and happy. There is no need to smile all the time as long as you are cheerful overall. Listen intently, have intelligent responses, laugh a little, charm her with your real personality.
Alternatively, you want to make sure that you are not coming off too serious. You don’t want to look like a downer and you don’t want to give off negative vibes. If you are nervous, your facial expressions may give you away. Some people show anxiety in their face when they are under pressure. This is going to make it difficult to smile naturally and may look a little creepy to her.
4. Don’t try to push an outcome. If she is not responding to you the way you would like, don’t try to make it happen. If she is not engaging you in banter or is not going along with some of your jokes, don’t keep at it. If she is not laughing at your stories or if she seems uncomfortable, then it is time to change your strategy. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to misread signals like this. If you are not both on the same page, it is going to be a hard go, no matter what you do.
The biggest mistake you can make when it comes to misreading signals is in physical contact. Coincidentally, making an error when it comes to physical contact is going to get you labeled a creeper faster than just about anything. If you are touching her arm briefly while making a point or if you are getting in close, whispering in her ear because the music is too loud and she is not reciprocating in any way, then you are going to have to tone it down. I am reminded of the guy who moves in for a kiss after the date when she did nothing to indicate that he was free and clear to do so. You have to have some sort of sign/encouragement before you make a move like this or you are going to get the dreaded quick-head-turn-to-cheek. Is there anything more embarrassing for a guy than that? Awkward!!
Yet, it is something that happens a lot. Short of asking her for a kiss, you are going to have to rely on your ability to read people. You are going to have to look into her eyes and know that she is not going to turn you down. You have to be able to sense that she wants to be kissed just as bad as you want to kiss her. However, not all of us are able to read people like that.
5. Don’t leer. Though you may be in love with this women sitting across the table from you, make sure that you avoid leering at her. Nothing says desperate and creepy like a guy who won’t stop staring and smiling. Or even worse, a guy that won’t stop staring at her breasts or other intimate parts and smiling. That is just asking for it. You have to realize that women are not wired the same way that men are. Just because she is being nice, does not mean that she is giving you the go ahead to do whatever you want. Stop staring at her like an all you can eat buffet.
6. Let things happen naturally. What if all you did was talk to her like another human being? What if you forgot that you have to be something you aren’t? What if all you did was talk, hang out and let things play out? Well, I can tell you that you would probably not come off as creepy. For one thing, you would be a lot less stressed, less nervous, and more confident. You would also not appear to just be trying to get her into bed. You could assume the cool confident persona that will do a lot more for you on a first date than just about anything. If something happens, than it was meant to be – if not, then ces’t la vie. You have lost nothing but the cost of a night out. And that isn’t even a loss because you probably needed one anyway.
Yes, I get that you have to let her know that you like her and you are interested in more than just friendship, but you are going to have to take your time, and in may ways, you are going to have to let her show you that it is okay to move forward. You never know how two people are going to get along. This could be the night that you never want to end, or it could be the date that you would rather forget about. It is all about chemistry and that is something that you can’t always plan for.
7. Try to keep sex out of it for now. If you don’t know each other that well and you start coming on to her in a sexual way, you are most definitely going to come across as creepy, no matter how nice a guy you are. This means that you refrain from any sexual innuendos in email, text, and over the phone. Additionally, making obvious sexual advances during your date can kill things mighty fast. There is just something creepy about being propositioned by someone you have only just met. Take a second and think about what you are doing before you send that steamy text or you decide that you are going to put your hand on her knee during the date. There is time for that later when you are both a little more comfortable with each other. Don’t rush things and you should be fine.
8. Getting too serious? Whatever you do, don’t start talking about marriage and kids. I know, I know – who does that on a first date? But you would be surprised what some guys will say when they get caught up in the moment. Even if she is coming on to you strongly. Even if she makes it clear that she is highly attracted to you. Even if she talks about what you want for breakfast in the morning. Even then – never, never start talking about things like marriage and kids. If you don’t know why, there may be no hope for you 🙂
9. Avoid out of control conversations. Have you ever said something that was so dumb and embarrassing that you regretted saying it the moment it left your mouth? Have you ever tried to fix it, only to take on a whole lot more than you bargained for? Have you ever wanted to relive the last 10 minutes of your life so that you could fix things? Well, I think it is safe to say that we have all been there at one time or another.
Sometimes, all you have to do is get a little nervous and try to fill the awkward silence while on a date to make a complete fool of yourself. You blurt out something weird, she smiles nervously just to be polite, you then try to explain what you just said and end up making it 10 times worse. Ever been there? I call it the runaway effect and the only way to end it is by getting up and excusing yourself. Go to the men’s room or outside to “take a call” – whatever you have to do. This is needed to reboot and get back in there. Yeah, you can’t take back what you said, but you can change the subject when you return.
10. No gifts on the first date. Yeah, you are a generous guy, but you are going to have to control yourself until you know her a little more. A good example of this would be to bring her a gift on the first date. The only thing you should be giving her on the first date is a bouquet of flowers – and even then, keep it modest. Better yet, don’t give her anything until you know her a little better.
The reason this is creepy is that you don’t know her at all and you are giving her gifts. Not only does that reek of desperation, it is too intimate for the first date. Save your money.
11. Don’t start talking about your unusual hobbies. If you raise silk worms or have the biggest ball of string in the country, best to keep that info to yourself until you know her a little better. What you want right now is to build a case as to why she should see you again and that kind of thing is not going to do it.
12. Don’t research her. If you have done a little research online and you read a bit about her on Facebook before you decided to meet for a date, do not, under any circumstances, admit that you have done so. Let’s put it this way: she is not going to marvel at your investigative skills. No, in fact, she is going to be so creeped out that you are going to be lucky if she finishes the date at all.
You really have to be careful about this. It is going to be tempting to ask her questions about her home town, her sister in another country, her job – but if you do that, she’ll know that you have been cyber-stalking her and that is not going to end well. For that reason, it is best to just pretend that you know nothing about her coming into the date.
13. Control your alcohol consumption. Getting a little sauced may not be that bad in itself, but you have to realize that it may cause you to say and do certain things that you are trying to suppress. If you considered putting your arm around her, sneaking a kiss, or telling her you love her, then alcohol may be just what is need to push you over the edge. Enter the creep zone…
14. Don’t be impatient. If you need to make things happen on the first date, then you are almost certain to fail. It is going to make you look desperate and a bit creepy. It is going to make you do things that should probably wait till the next date or the one after. Holding her hand in public? Hmm… nah, not really a first date kind of thing. You get the picture.
However, some guys are just too impatient. They may even have the attitude that they have to make their feelings known on the first date or they are going to blow it. Believe me, she knows how you feel and for now, all she wants you to do is act normal and treat her as someone you just met and want to know better. Any attempt at intimacy is going to come off as creepy because you have no history.
15. Don’t start talking about your previous relationship. The reason for this is that it is going to make you look bad when you start talking about your ex. Nothing good can come from this and it may put you in a bad light when she starts wondering about the real reasons for the breakup. If you still love your ex, you definitely want to keep that to yourself. Carrying a torch for your ex could be interpreted as a little creepy.
And there you have it: 15 things you can do to not appear creepy on your next date. If you could sum up the main points, it is obvious that nerves and impatience play a big role on how you are perceived. Relax and don’t take things so seriously and you should do okay. Don’t expect everything on the first date and have faith that you are going to have subsequent dates to show her the great guy she is with. Be confident that this is going to happen and you won’t be tempted to get it all in on the first date. Best of luck.
Update: One very important part of the puzzle for some men is that they don’t have a whole lot of options. If they are lucky enough to get a date, they are in constant fear of screwing up and losing that person for good. They need to make it work because there are simply no other prospects. That is what could make them come off as creepy. That is what makes them seem desperate. It is this need to make things work no matter what. And guess what? No one deals with that kind of pressure very well. Is it any wonder that mistakes are made?
So, the obvious answer would be to ease the pressure. How do you do that? Well, you learn how to attract more women. More women, more dates, less pressure, less of a creep factor. It is a simple formula. But, how do you go about meeting more women? How do you make them want to date you in the first place? How do you make them want to be with you? Well, here is a video that talks about a little known method that involves nothing more than common small talk – but with a twist. CLICK HERE!