After a breakup, a cooling off period can do both partners a world of good. However, when it comes to getting your ex-boyfriend back, you don’t want to wait too long – eventually, the good memories start to fade. Once this happens, you may have lost him for good. If he happens to meet another woman in the meantime, those memories of the good times are going to fade even quicker. Obviously, you want to avoid this at all costs, so here is a step-by-step plan to get him back quickly:
Why did he leave?
You’re going to have to answer a few hard questions as honestly as possible. Though you may be in denial as to the reason he left, ultimately, you’re going to have to come to terms with it. While your relationship might have been rock-solid in the beginning, something happened that led to the breakup. Initially, you were both on your best behavior and much more tolerant of each other’s bad habits, but as the relationship matured and reality set in, perhaps there was something in particular that he couldn’t handle.
Fix the problem
Once you’ve determined exactly why he left, you can work on fixing the problem. Keep in mind that it may not necessarily be anything you’ve done. He could’ve left for any number of reasons. Your ability to see the situation clearly is going to help you take responsibility for your own faults and address them – but don’t accept the blame if you’ve done nothing wrong. If his behavior sparked the tension between you, then you need to address that and also look at the way you’re reacting to it. Perhaps he just brings out the worst in you, and if that’s the case, maybe he’s not right for you at all.
Making first contact
Hopefully you haven’t been guilty of texting him 20 times a day or leaving a few dozen phone messages on his answering machine. If it’s gotten to that point and you’re exhibiting this type of behavior, there may not be much more you can do. However, if you’ve been mature about the whole thing and haven’t let your emotions run wild, then you can still carefully plan on how you’re going to see him again. It’s important to approach the situation self-assured and confident. You don’t want to assume a submissive role and start apologizing, begging, or making excuses. Instead, lighten up a little and simply ask him out for a casual lunch. If possible, try to invite other people as well if it’s the first time you’ve seen him since the breakup. If you’re out as a group with friends, this will ease the tension and there won’t be any expectations. Think of it as two friends getting together casually to catch up.
Listen and be flexible
If he starts opening up a little and tells you why he left, let him do most of the talking. Don’t start arguing with every point he tries to make even though he may start ranting a little – just let him have his say. That’s not to say that you should agree with everything he says or give in to his demands, but at least hear him out before you respond with your own point of view.
One thing you’ve got to realize is that, if you’re going to get your boyfriend back, you’re both going to have to compromise. He obviously left for a reason and you both need to work on why the breakup happened. One good way to get the conversation going is to ask him what he felt went wrong with the relationship. Be mature and let him finish – then you can let him know your side of things.
Chances are, if you’re able to look at the situation realistically and you’ve got a plan of action, you can get your boyfriend back much sooner than you realize. The key is to accept responsibility for your part, while acknowledging that it takes two to tango.
If things don’t seem to be going well and you both seem unwilling to compromise, one option might be to seek the advice of a relationship counselor. These experienced professionals are trained to handle these types of situations and can provide a proven plan aimed at getting you back together. Sometimes being coached through the rough spots is the only solution.
Or failing that, you could opt to order one of the better ex back courses out there. Like this one: